Today is my 46th birthday. Birthdays have a different feel since being diagnosed as terminal. You can’t help but wonder if it’s your last one. Some people feel sad as they get older, but I can only describe each birthday as a sense of relief. Relief as in “I made it!” I think about the people I’ve lost and how old they were when they died. While many of them died young, I still hope to live as long as they did.
This past year has been one heck of a ride. So many ups and so many downs. I gave up a career I loved, but traveled to so many incredible places. My mother’s health has not been good, yet she is living with me so I can be with her. I started chemo with many side effects, yet the cancer has remained stable. I lost another friend to cancer in November, yet was so fortunate to have spent time with her despite the fact we lived 9,000 miles away. I think life is probably like this for just about everyone, cancer or not. We treasure the good, get through the bad, and try to catch our breath in between.
This year I found myself in England, Spain, France, Italy, Vatican City, Greece, Monaco, Malta, Panama, Colombia, Guatemala, Costa Rica, and Mexico. I loved the different languages, cultures, customs, scenery, and adventures. I learned more during my travels than I could ever learn from a book or a website. However, despite all I learned and all the differences, what struck me most is how similar people really are. I can’t explain why but I can say that I feel a much stronger connection to humanity as a whole. The human experience is universal in my opinion. And this is what drives me to continue to travel and experience new places and new people.
People say that transitioning to retirement is hard. The lack of routine, purpose, activity can be hard for some. I, however, can’t say that I ever find myself bored. In fact, I’m not sure how I ever held a job. There are so many things I had hoped to accomplish…..organizing the basement, catching up my scrapbooks, cleaning the house, volunteering, etc. Some of the projects have been started, but time just gets away from you.
Tomorrow is my 6 month PET/CT scan. Sometimes I have a good feeling about them, sometimes I have a bad feeling about them. This time, I have no feeling whatsoever. I really don’t know what to expect. I feel good, other than the typical side effects from the chemo. The results will be what they will be. Of course I hope for stability or improvement, but if it’s progression, I will deal with it.
I have a lot of hope for 2019. I hope to complete my planned trips. In April we are scheduled to go to South Africa. In June, the Baltics. I’m so looking forward to these trips. Areas of the world that I thought I would only dream of visiting. I’m also looking forward to seeing my brother in a couple of weeks. I’m hoping for more time substitute teaching. I miss the kids so much. I hope to accomplish some of these projects that I started. I hope for more time with friends and family. Most of all, I hope my health remains stable.
I also hope to update my blog more often. Again, one of those intentions in retirement that goes by the wayside.
I hope everyone has a very happy 2019!
Kay's Cancer Chronicles 